2014 LAGUNA PUBLIC NATIONAL CAPITAL TOUR - PART 2

As we settled in for Monday night the three of us in the Attending Dads Room A1 (of course) briefly debated how many alarms we should set and at what time we should set them so as to be up early enough to head off any child shenanigans. Entirely unnecessary as it turned out, due to our proximity to the kitchen that kicked off the morning at 0530 with an enthusiastic game of pot and pan soccer. Happily, the sleep we did get was fairly good. Even more happily it appeared that all of the children that had gone to bed the night before were still present and functioning come the morning.

Woo for us.

Breakfast was scrambled eggs (the remains of which I suspect might have formed part of the 'fritata' we had for Wednesday breakfast) and as many coffees as I could jam pods into the machine in the time available. Then into the bus.

ATTRACTION No.4 - The National Film and Sound Archive.
What an excellent institution. The kids loved it of course on account of it involving a screen and moving pictures, but in addition to that, the presenter was engaging and friendly (even when his computer started to screw him over) and the selection of material shown to us was interesting and varied. We even got to see a scene from Skippy.......Jesus that show was terrible.

ATTRACTION No.5 - The National Capital Exhibition.
Did you know that Dalgety was on the ballot as a possible Capital that the people of Australia actually voted on. Neither did I. The purpose of this building on the banks of Lake Burley Griffin is to educate on all things Capitol City related. And it does a good job of it. Not sure how many school groups they pump through it in the average day but I suspect it is a lot judging by the well practiced efficiency with which we were moved from section to section. Wouldn't let us play with the Lego they had lying around though (I mean the kids....they wouldn't let the KIDS play with the Lego) but I did locate the building I lived in when I was a citizen of Canberra in 1987 on a giant model of the city. Which was AWESOME.

It was planned that lunch would be spent in a park with footballs and running about and stuff but as we completely lacked Gortex in sufficent quantities to combat the driving rain and near sub zero temperatures, we set up camp in the Hall of Ainslie Public School (said Hall being bigger and better equipped than our entire school). Thank you Ainslie Public School.

ATTRACTION No.6 - The War Memorial.
Yay. Supervising a group of small girls around the War Memorial. A total waste of my talents. Look at the big Lancaster with all the turrents and history and God no there aren't any horses here. Highlight for my group was an 'experience' that involved standing in a room while the floor vibrated and moved up and down a bit. Never mind that the whole thing was supposed to give an insight into the horrors of night bombing over Nazi Germany (at one point a video screen on the floor showed bomb doors opening so you could see the burning city below). The girls did it twice before I dragged them away.

After a couple of hours including quite a long time in the gift shop (it's all about the gift shop people) we were extracted with aplomb by Ray the Coach driver and returned to the barracks for coffee, dinner.....and more coffee. Some kids even had showers. Not many. But some. Then it was off to what I'm fairly sure many of the kids would rate as the highlight of the trip....

ATTRACTION No.7 - Lazer Tag (Die Parents! DIE!)
I knew we were in trouble when the Lazer Tag attendent asked how many of us had done this before and all (as in ALL) of the kids put their hands up. I still think I acquitted myself well....once I remembered which button was the trigger. I certainly didn't run head first into a wall like one of the parents. If nothing else we'll be in good shape come the day we have to seal up the valley and defend ourselves from the outside world (my plans for this eventuality are available for your persual) because the kids are a bunch of ruthless killers (though lacking in the area of small unit co-operative tactics).

Back in the bus. Chocolate, coffee and parental discussion while we waited for all signs of life to disappear from the kiddy rooms. Sleepy bye byes.

0500 - Round 2 of the Pots and Pan Soccer World Cup.....

Next: Bugs. Turtles. Hanging and Dropping. Frozen!

MATCH REPORT - 2014 LAGUNA PUBLIC NATIONAL CAPITAL TOUR.

DAY ONE.
I'm assuming that the 0530 start time for this 3 day extravaganza was part of Principal Howe's ingenious plan to ensure an only just workable level of exhaustion prevailed throughout the 3 days of our whirlwind tour and/or a cunning maneuver to acclimatise us to the significant difference in temperatures between chilly Laguna and the ball freezingly cold Capital Territory.

A masterstroke either way. Getting the kids off to sleep throughout the trip seemed a lot easier than I had assumed it would be and even my recently jumper averse daughter had no problem with donning multiple layers of warm clothing.

Despite following to the letter the instruction to avoid 'milky breakfasts' I spent much of the first hour staring fixedly out the window breathing deeply, thinking happy thoughts and tossing up which of the 8 year olds sitting up front in the anti-spew rows I could physically remove in my weakened state. Thank Christ the sun came up and we hit the nice straight freeway.

Well placed toilet stops unfortunately did not prevent the bus toilet (around which all the lucky adults were seated) getting just enough use to produce a stench that I can only describe as viscous in nature and led to the deployment of what must have been an entire can of spray deodorant in a nearly, but yet not quite successful, attempt to overcome the aggressively maneuvering funky cloud.

ATTRACTION No.1 - The National Gallery of Australia.
An excellent venue with a very engaging tour guy who did a fantastic job of involving the kids in the artistic process. He was of course impressed by the perception and MASSIVE intelligence of our children. Always like visiting the National Gallery, if only to stand in front of Blue Poles making sarcastic comments questioning the artists ability as an artist, suggesting that 'I could paint that pissed and with both my eyes shut' and suggesting that anyone willing to pay the HUGE amount of cash for it that we in fact did must have been pissed.....and had both their eyes shut.

Clear evidence of total devotion to the layering technique vis a vis cold weather clothing - When loaded up with all the coats, jumpers, vests, hats and gloves discarded by the students immediately upon entering the toasty warm Gallery building I needed assistance from one of my fellow parents to navigate the stairs to the cloak room on account of I could not see s**t.

ATTRACTION No.2 - The Australian National Museum (aka That Place With Bits Of Phar Lap In It).
Completely lacking in Dinosaur bones, this attraction was a bit of a disappointment. Mind you, even if there had been dinosaur bones, I would not have got to see them as I was tasked with the supervision of four 8 and 9 year old horse obsessed girls (a description that seems to describe all 8 and 9 year old girls) who would not countenance any activity until Phar Lap had been seen. To my quiet satisfaction, the only bit of Phar Lap in the Museum was his (her?) preserved heart. Never mind. Hey! Check out that big tractor over there!

ATTRACTION No.3 - Parliament House.
Pissing down freezing rain and nearly dark by the time we reached the seat of all power in this wonderful country. We moved inside for bottled water and a snack before briefly chatting to Senator Kate Lundy and our local MP Joel Fitzgibben (who seemed a bit concerned Senator Lundy was stealing his future constituants). We were then put into the hands of a Danishly accented Parliament House Guide who was, um, fairly directive in his manner. Very knowledgable of course. But almost comically directive. 'Ve will now go THIS WAY. My accent is Danish. Yes it is very funny. HAHAHAHA!NOWLETUSGO! Mr Teacher! You will be responsible for one OR POSSIBLY TWO ROPES! IF YOU FAIL......YOU VILL PAY ZE PRICE!'. Educational genius or certifiable lunatic.....I am not yet decided.

With 3 National Attractions under our belt we moved with all pace to the Bush Capital Lodge at.....I have no idea 'cause it was dark and raining. Once fed (a chicken 'curry' entirely lacking in curry like attributes save for being yellow in colour) and inserted into our not all that spacious rooms, we rugged up and popped out for a short but invigorating stroll through the streets. A somewhat controversial decision amongst some of the parents as it had not really stopped raining and some of that rain seemed to be bouncing off things in a manner quite reminiscent of ice. Good for self-discipline and morale in my opinion.

Next: Scrambled eggs! War Memorials! Laser Tag!

54. CAN YOU DIG IT?

It's stereotyping is what it is.

See, at some point or another, if you ride your bike enough, you end up having to replace the rubber bits that go round and round on the outside of your wheels. And I think it's a sad indicator of the preconceptions of some bike shop proprietors that a man of my age and, cough, dimensions, fronts up for some new tyres and the default response is - 'That'll be for cross country right?'

Nice and safe that cross country riding. Maybe you'd like some extra gears so you can your fat arse up those nasty hills.

I'm being too harsh.

As scenic as the views frequently are, I have found that there is a limit to how many times I can ride up and down the local fire trails without it becoming a whole bucket load of boring. The whole reason I went for a mountain bike (as opposed to a road bike) was that long hours in the saddle grinding out the kilometres was not particularly attractive to me. Apart from anything else my arse just won't tolerate more than about 30kms before expressing it's displeasure in very colorful language indeed.

Which is why I've started throwing the bike in the back of the car and driving down to Ourimbah where some very nice people have spent what must have been a shit load of time and money building trails specifically to make things more interesting.

And why I've started digging these...

....up behind the chook sheds.

I figure if I twist and turn enough there's enough room up here to build a track for at least a couple of hundred metres. More, if I decide to get stupid and run it down to the main driveway. More still if it goes down to the dam and up the other side.

As a bonus - I'll save a lot on petrol when compared to the 60 km trip to Ourimbah and digging up dirt provides for a shockingly effective cardio session. Hell of a lot easier getting it all to hang together since the rain we got a few weeks ago made the dirt a bit more pliable as well.

Might hold off on throwing in too many jumps just yet. It's still a long way to the nearest hospital.

53. UPGRADES!

What is it? 4 weeks and bits are already falling off?

Pfft to the very suggestion. This is in fact my recently removed front chainring which, after several rides (and then a few more just to make sure....and then a couple after that while I waited for the new chainring to arrive in the mail) I decided to swap for one with 2 more teeth.

What does that get me exactly (besides an excuse to get another package in the mail)? It gets me slightly more speed when combined with the smallest ring on the back wheel (generally on downhill or flattish bits) with a corresponding hit to the Granniness of my Granny gear (the really low gear that is being employed by the rider you see going up a hill very slowly while spinning his or her legs very quickly).

The new one looks like this....

It's a Renthal....which is just massively credible....trust me. So far I'm liking the change and haven't yet felt the need for a gear lower than that still available to me with this set-up, though I have been studiously avoiding some of the more ridiculous hills available to me in the local area (hills mind you, I couldn't grind up with any of the 21 gears available to me on the Mongoose so just DON'T JUDGE ME ALRIGHT!).

Also - It is significantly harder to keep the front wheel on the deck when climbing up steep hills due to the shorter backend and higher front end aaaaand it came to my attention that I had not routed the front brake cable correctly...

....running the cable on the outside of the fork (picture A) is incorrect. Snaking it around the back (picture B) is in fact the correct method.

Which is why I changed it.

You should all take note of this for reference in the construction of your own bicycles.

Carry on.

52. ONE BIKE. MOUNTAIN IN SHAPE. ENTIRELY OPERABLE.

Looking back through my emails I notice that the one from Dan at Stanton Bikes (excellent man - fantastic service - what a bunch of legends) notifying me of the shipping of the frame (described by him as a 'pink little girls bike') around which this is built, is dated April 18.

Now, 5 months later, give or take few days - here is the finished item (barring possible future additions and/or adjustments to handlebars, saddle, suspension travel, grocery basket etc).

I'm not one to big note myself in any way but seriously, how smart am I.

I'm even fairly confident, having gone for a couple of rides on the thing, that all the bits that are supposed to be on it are 1. Actually on it and 2. Won't be falling off it.

See. Very attractive.

From the other side - still bloody attractive. Note the state of the art, hand carved, black wattle side stand - fashionable as, that is.

Here's a few observations.

FULL SUSPENSION?
This doesn't have it. Full suspension is pretty much standard for bikes of a certain price point/component level into which I would have say this bike fits. I stand by my decision on the grounds that there is a lot less to go wrong with this, I was able to put the extra dollars into other components and frankly I like the clean look of this bike, which I may have previously described as 'bloody attractive'.

ONLY 10 GEARS? REALLY?
I was a bit nervous about this decision as most of the online discussion about 1x10 drivetrains inevitably include a suggestion that you must be a high performance athlete with legs of steel and the aerobic capacity of a marathon running Kenyan tribesman to deprive yourself of all the super low gears made available to you by the inclusion of 2 or 3 chainrings up front.

Anyone who has seen more of my body than that revealed by my Facebook profile shot will be aware I am neither high performance or Kenyan. I do have quite strong legs however and from my experience so far I've got to say I haven't felt the need for a gear lower than the ones provided by this set-up. I am even thinking I might need a bigger ring on the front to give me more speed at the other end of the range. That might make a difference at the granny gear end I guess.

Worse case scenario - I get subject matter for another post a few weeks down the track lamenting my poor hill climbing ability related to disastrous component choice in which case - everyone's a WINNER!

BETTER OR WORSE THAN THE MONGOOSE?
Just riding down the driveway I can't help but notice several things..

1. A distinct lack of rattling noises.
2. A distinct lack of bone jarring impacts.
3. A really quite amazing ability to steer in a straight line over ground I would have rated as quite challenging 3 weeks ago.

...add to this the fact that when I operate the gear or brake lever the function controlled by that lever occurs instantly and with almost no effort on my part PLUS a riding position that is not unlike cruising around in an armchair compared to that of the Mongoose and I would have to say - Yes. This IS a better bike than the Mongoose.

More pictures? Certainly...

This is what I am talking about when I say 'drivetrain'. So neat. So entirely unclogged up with 17 years of filthy greasy mess....

And this is one of the reasons I went with less gears. In my early 'just bloody buy a bike from the shop you idiot' phase I looked at one or two that had 6 or 7 cables running off their bars (what with the front mech, remote shock lock out, remote seat dropper)....I have 3. So much neater. So much more stylish. So much more space for a nice cane basket I can put the shopping in....

51. BREAKING NEWS - MATT FINISHES SOMETHING HE STARTED....

I was going to be so detailed with the whole bike build thing. Here's the nut going into the thread from 6 views and download the video HERE! kind of thing but really - it all just got away from me a bit.

But here's the abbreviated version in pictures...

It's hard to come back from hacksawing your steerer post if you f**k it up. Happily it all went swimmingly (once I'd done some judicious filing). Straight as a die it was. 

That's the rear brake disc skillfully bolted in place on the back hub. The bleeding finger on the right is what happens when you don't pay attention whilst spinning the front disc around and around trying to fit the pads properly. You could slice ham with one of those babies. I really hope human juice doesn't contaminate brake pads like just about every other f**king thing apparently does.

Whilst it is very handy indeed being able to buy brakes with all the cables and levers already attached and fully bled, it was pretty clear once I had bolted them on that the cable was too long.....by quite a bit really. I suppose I could have looped it around my leg to keep me on the bike or something.....I chose to cut it shorter instead.

Totally didn't screw it up thanks again to the sterling educational resource that is the internet. Swear to God you could find clear and concise instructions on sewing your own freaking arm back on if you knew where to look....and could type with your non severed arm.

That red thing attached to my seatpost is a quick release clamp. It allows you to quickly adjust the seat height for maximum effectiveness in the rapid descending of hills (down low) or peddling efficiency (up high). Well it does if you put it on around the right way.

If on the other hand you put it on backwards like I did, it allows the seatpost to slowly slide down underneath you while you ride no matter how loudly you swear at it or how tight you screw the little bolt up. Only did it for week though and I fully managed to pick up on my error BEFORE spending more cash on another clamp that would have been just as useless if applied in the same way. Moron.

COMING UP NEXT: The finished item. Pictures. Lessons learned. I am a genius.

50. 2013 WOLLOMBI WILD RIDE 'RACE' REPORT

Last Saturday at 0915 I lined up for the start of the 2013 Wollombi Wild Ride (30 km version).

It was my very first bicycle race - not counting several impromptu sprint events between me and the State Rail timetable in the days when making it to Berowra station by 0800 was the difference between attendance at my first 2 lectures or an hour and a half spent in Berowra's less then stimulating central 'business' district.

I should point out here that the race was not so much against the very many quite fit and outstandingly well equipped riders that made up the 500 strong field, but more against the triple threat of my own fitness, the ability of the Mongoose to continue changing into a useful gear once wet and of course the need for my body to lie down and go to sleep after the night shift I had worked immediately prior to the event.

While I know for a fact I wasn't the oldest rider on the course by a long way, I'm pretty sure the Mongoose was close to the oldest ride, evidenced by numerous comments along the lines of 'You did the ride on that bike. Hey well done man' (and thank you SO MUCH for your pity). 

Couldn't really be helped though due to the late arrival of the final component I needed to finish the new bike. Honestly - I reckon I would of done it on the Mongoose regardless, just to give it an honourable and well deserved last hurrah for it's loyal service.

UPSIDES
I did indeed finish, in 1 hour 35 minutes and 57 seconds according to the little timing tag I had velcroed to my left ankle, and I was pretty happy with that. Plenty of people in front of me of course, but more than a few behind and I even overtook a couple of people on the run home.

Also - I totally didn't die while pushing my bike up the really quite absurdly steep hills.

DOWNSIDES
Aside from the photographers on the course whose photos of me made it pretty clear I have a fair amount of work left to do in the protruding gut department (I unfortunately can't post any of these photos as I 'accidentally' deleted the link to them from my inbox....and unleashed a virus into the web that should by now have deleted them and all websites on which they reside....and had the photographer and all his minions quietly disposed of...), none that I can think of.

All in all it was a thoroughly worthwhile way to spend a couple of hours on a Saturday morning.

Two things I reckon I'd address if I did it again:

1. I might consider not working the night before, not so much for the race (the effort of propelling a bike all over the place focusses the mind quite nicely indeed) but I suspect my conversational ability come Saturday afternoon was somewhat deficient.

2. The weight of my bike could do with some adjustment. And here I am at an advantage - because while all those carbon equipped lunatics that finished the 60km race in 20 to 30 minutes more than it took me to ride half that distance have to shell out hundreds of dollars to save 3 grams by switching to kevlar shoelaces, I reckon I can dump 20 kilos by drinking slightly less beer and leaving that brownie on the Trading Post's counter next time I'm in getting 'milk'......

All hail the mightly Mongoose. Official race number in place. Disc brakes. Clipless pedals. More than 60mm of suspension - These are for the WEAK (I'm talking to you Arthur).