21. IN WHICH I RIDE AN ASS...NO WAIT...THAT SOUNDS BAD.

Everyone can relax. It appears the Slovakian Mafia will have to finance its nefarious activities without my assistance. (Confused? Shame on you for not reading my previous post). Dan has emailed me back to tell me he got my cash and the bike is in the mail. The frame of the bike anyway....and he has claimed that he has sent me a 13” Pink Girls Bike...which I assumed was a joke on account of the smiley face but have you ever noticed how sinister those things start to look after you stare at them for a few minutes. Less of a ‘smiley face’ and more of a ‘maniacally cackling face’. See. I’m nervous again now.

Anyway...

In totally un-bike related matters – I have been in a play called ‘The Golden Ass’. The first play I have been in since 1985 in fact. Yes, I am aware this Blog is called ‘In Which I Ride A Bike’ not 'In Which I Massively Inflate My Own Ego In A Play' but hell, it’s my Blog and I can write what I want in it. I could attempt to make some kind of tenuous link between getting in a play after 28 years and getting back into riding but that would be, as I have already noted, tenuous...so I won’t.

Short synopsis – Lying goat gets innocent children kicked out of home by abusive goat obsessed Father. Children make good through application, hard work and the Fairyland TAFE system. Magical severance packages are distributed. Intelligent talking Goat gets whacked and eaten in an act of bloody revenge.

So it’s a kid’s play.

And it’s been a hoot. Almost like playing a Grand Final every night but I know I’m not going to need an x-ray afterwards and barring a fuck up of truly awesome proportions it’s impossible to lose.

There are, granted, some plot issues – The magical gifts granted to the three daughters seem quite powerful given they are crafted by otherwise unremarkable tradesmen (unremarkable except for the fact that they are played by me) and the Golden Ass’s ability to both vomit AND defecate gold seems like it might be an issue from an inflationary point of view.

Likewise, the idea that 3 young females might be able to successfully get and complete apprenticeships in Medieval Europe in a trade other than that of dutiful wife or concubine seems to fly in the face of most contemporary depictions of that era vis a vis the plight of women in what was an oppressive patriarchal system....

Also, the Goat can talk. And none of the characters remark on this AT ALL.

Thanks very much to Craig and Robyn for talking me into it.

NEXT: Is it here yet? Is it here yet?